Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Daughters

I have 2 boys and let's dispense with the usual queries, which never cease to test my ability not to roll my eyes -

1)  No I did not want a girl - nor a boy - I really wanted a kid who was healthy and who was happy
2) No I did not try for the girl nor will I - see point number 1
3) I do not miss having a girl - why?  what difference would it make, the sex of the child determines exactly what ??? That people feel the need to ask me this
4) Yes they do have a higher activity level -- then some girls, also then some boys - why this is said as a negative

I have heard all above the above all my life when people find out I have two boys.   I do not see the difference in the way I would raise girls because I feel if I teach boys to be kind, responsible, respectful people who treat others equally that is no different then how I would raise my daughters.   I also have a great relationship with my boys, so again not sure what these folks who ask me think I am missing out on.

That is not to say that there are no differences - nor that there shouldn't be but there is no "better" in this.

I also am fortunate to have daughters - because of the town I live in and the close way we raise our children here it is like having my own, ok I do not have to buy their clothes but I have offered to take them shopping.  If for no other reason it would be an experiment from the super fast way I shop for my boys, who pick things quickly and in all mad rush to get to the pretzel store or GameStop that inevitably is close to where I am buying their clothes.

I have daughters who run and hug me in a way that none of  my sons' friends who are boys ever even think of doing (boys will give hugs, reluctantly but I am not of the school of thought of imposed adult affection on kids).   They have allowed me to listen to them and talk them while I stroke long, silky hair when they have been down - their hormones are much more intense than my 11 year old's (who has them but they come in bursts, end quickly and of course are forgotten).

I have daughters who are growing into young women and who I want to make sure the world does not impose any rules on that they make allowances in boys for.  I want them to have opportunities and make salaries that are in line with my own sons' potential.   My daughters are going to deserve to be treated like they are the most important thing in someone's life much like my sons' should expect of their loves.  These daughters should have choices for their bodies made by their own minds and respected by those around them.

I am lucky to be a part of these daughters' lives, who are friends with my sons and expose them to the wonder and slightly complex female mind, who will give them good advice and who my sons can be a shoulder for.  

Girls and boys are different - and there is nothing about being a woman who was once a girl that I would change  - and we should embrace their differences while reminding them that their aspirations are so often the same.

My daughters - lovely since they were little, girls who play all sorts of games that my boys love because they see themselves as my sons friends and equals.   They are small, fierce warriors in glitter and pink but do not be fooled into thinking there is anything pastel about them.    I sometimes am astonished how much older these same girls, especially in the 11 year old set, are starting too look then my son and his male friends.  They are changing and morphing and hormonal and temperamental and getting so grown up, these daughters of mine. My sons are getting there too with less drama but drama nonetheless.

Daughters - nice complement to the awesome sons I am hoping to raise that will be the partners they deserve in each other.  Until then they will continue to play, laugh, fight, learn and be the friends that make daughters and sons complete.





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