Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Countdown to Christmas

In many, many years I have not missed sending out the cards and along with the cards a small poem that covered our family's year.  For 9 years even if it was close to the wire I got them out.  This year they will be late. 

I fretted, I woke up one night and started them, I look at the set up on my home office desk where it is assembly line worthy and somehow I cannot seem to sit myself down to get them out.  

Now this is not usual for me - I do it all right?  I order the presents, for Hanukkah, and for Christmas.  I decorate the house, I wrap and I find the right match in presents for everyone who gets one.  I manage the organization of the teacher gifts, for my boys and as a class mom for one of the boys, I also make sure we have the gift cards on hand for the many people who I am grateful to do something with my children sports clinic coaches, day care workers.  I make sure the special orders are done prior to the holidays rush.  I make the menus for the holidays dinners.  This is every year so how did I drop the ball and not get the time to get the cards out???

This is how I look at it, not at the things I accomplish but rather to the one that I missed.  This is partially because of my own way of being incredibly demanding of myself but it is also reinforced in every thing I as a woman am expected to do as a mother, a working woman, a wife and even as a daughter.  It is the bar that is set these days for all of us whether we work in the workplace or are stay at home moms.  We have to do it all and not only that we have to do it all incredibly well.  Decorations ideally should be done Interior Design  photo spread worthy, meals out of Gourmet with of course lunches for our kids that fit in Bento boxes well balanced/tasty/designs, our work is satisfying and must be given 100% because we should have some trajectory and of course our baked goods must always be handmade and we need to be 100% there for every field trip, class party.  All of this while making sure we stay in shape, look decent doing it and of course can sport yoga pants with Uggs in our late 40s with faces frozen by Botox into tricking others that we are 20 and never stressed.  

Well this year I am giving myself the gift of saying that I just do not have that much to give all the time.   I will get the cards out, the poem has been written, but it will be closer to New Years.  The house looks good but the cupcakes for the last day of school before brake will be ordered.  My boys are happy, healthy and incredibly grateful for everything we do together so why do I do this to myself.  I refuse to get Botox because I know how old I am and it is being this age that is allowing me to give myself permission to not have to do it all at 100% all the time.  Besides my very expressive self would be out of whack if my face was frozen into a perpetual, laugh line free look. 

So deep breath, do a few cards a day and enjoy the moments with children that are growing too fast.  Wishing all who celebrate Merry Christmas .. and fellow women give yourself the gift of appreciating all you do instead of just noticing what has not been done. 

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