Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Making time to be "the couple"

 Ok there is always at least one couple that while I may like them at times make me want to gag a little.  You know they never fight they argue, productively.  She never rolls her eyes at him and he never snaps at her.  They hold hands when they walk to the parking lot after you go to dinner with them, a dinner maybe when at least once wanted to or actully did eye roll at your spouse.  That couple where he comes home and they talk about his day, her day, their children's accomplishments, the answer to world peace and of course how they will together make every decision about their kids.  Once they are done with the organic (or maybe grown with compost in backyard) gourmet dinner they cooked together in their granite countertop, Wolf appliance stocked kitchen they lovingly retire with their cognac to discuss if Homer's Odyssey and going to the Greek islands.  Most of all they seem to make time and want to be part of this duo. 

Yeah - well from what I have seen most of us are not that couple.  My days run more like I run in - drop purse on handle of hall closet and then wrangle kids, if school night "did you do your homework?" "no you cannot play video games on a school night" if not a school night "did you put your swim trunks to dry in basement?" "where are your goggles" "no you cannot play video games on a school - yes, yes I know not a school night".  I spend time between the dinners, because yes we still often have a dinner for them and one for us, and listening to how school/camp went.  After dinner we are busy planning for next day, clothes or lunch ideas if a school night - theme day clothes if camp - mad search for instrument/goggles/where did youngest son hide socks tonight (ok detour why does my younger son insist on taking off socks everywhere but near hamper and rather than take to hamper decide to hide as if treasure?).  All this while catching up with snippets on social media or text with friends who are often doing same marathon of things.  Straighten up and then put kids to bed, yes you still have a bed time even if summer no I do not really care that you are not tired because you will be in the morning.  By now this woman, has wiped down non-granite countertops and perfectly nice non Wolf appliances, is tired because this marathon started at 545 am or so.  The only Homer is the one hit by a Yankee - to which husband has yelled so loud that I got so startled to drop something including the F bomb - the only Odyssey is mine through Siren call of the stuff my kids left on way to putting them in proper place.

How many people are "the couple" truly ?  Not for FB posts or pics but for real.   I think in our social media heavy world there are many times when there is some overcompensation on these sites.  The couples who over gush like "Thank you my goddess, my sunshine, the woman who nurtures my soul for getting me the corn flakes I so desired today" (she got groceries) or "To my husband, my rock, the knight in shining armor who never ceases to amaze me with his incredible skills" (he called AAA when they had a flat).  Maybe the over gushing is what makes me little cynical.  To me "the couple" posts on FB, happy moments but they save the actual feelings for the eye to eye conversations with each other.  

You do not need the nice appliances because "the couple" would enjoy sharing a paper napkin around a piece of KFC.  Whatever your ideal version of "the couple" is - everyone deserves it - that's right deserves it.   What is it for you ? Maybe just the guy you would buy a splitter for, hook it up to your playlist (laugh at the embarrassing Ace of Base songs) and walk around with.  It may take some effort but it should not be work, you and your partner both deserve that.  There are 2 people in every relationship, we will not speak of those were there are more, and they both need to want to be in it ... so go find your +1 and be that couple. 




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