We do not become numb .. we should not become numb but I am bewildered. I heard about the news about the Boston bombing while working. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath because for a moment I felt like a child, you know how they close their eyes when they are trying to hide and if they cannot see you well then you do not exist, closing my eyes for a moment to pretend nothing happened.
I started looking into it and the more I heard or read the more horrified I became. How could anyone do this during what is a global event that brings people from all over together toward a common cause to run with excitement and cheer each other on? Innocent people who came to see these amazing athletes, who sat next to someone exactly like them in look or their complete opposite and noticed neither way.
As a New Yorker who survived 9/11 this brought about such a deep set of feelings in me. The feeling of helplessness, sadness, fear, and a heavy heart. Hard to keep my feelings in check, the tears back and the need to blame restrained. I do blame though. I blame whoever did this because you have no cause that justifies this. Your family, tribe, country, whatever was wrong, wronged, fucked up -- it still gives you no reason to inflict this on other people. You hate the government, our government, the US, the "man", war, religion that is different than yours, people who are diverse, people who run... your hatred is yours to carry not a justification. Make your life and those of your people better rather than take it away from those you think have it already.
I went home and on the train kept thinking how do I tell my super amazing, wonderful, all accepting children who say things like (they say the "n" word in the movie 42..I don't know what the "n" word is - 6 y/o and oh he's gay that just is - 8 y/o) who embody all that has progressed and are seeing the world as defined by your character not your characteristics. How do I tell them that the bad people that I explained were gone in 9/11 were actually not the only bad people in the world ? That the world had somehow let down their generation again. All while keeping my own very deep feelings on this from spilling over and scaring them. I went home and we said some bad people, who the police will get, forgot to love, forgot that life is made for laughter and for fun, forgot to appreciate others and instead chose to be angry, chose to be bad, chose to hurt those who enjoyed life. They got it - sort of -- wish they did not have to.
This act connects Boston to New York, two cities who love their sports teams with wild abandon as much as they hate each other's teams, two cities have always had a rivalry and a connection as being the cities that defined this nation. This act reminds us that we are all vulnerable and that we are all strong, that your Red Sox archenemy is the cousin you protect from a bully, that we are joined by our common passions not defined by our common tragedies.
Acts of terror - we will not let you win. We owe all those hurt the choice to live in a world that condemns these cowardly acts. These are the marks of people who forgot or never understood that life is to be cherished, celebrated, laughed, loved and enjoyed. They do not represent a religion, ethnicity, or beliefs but the lack of understanding of all that is good in all of those things.
Tonight I told my children that they will make a better world with their friends. Tonight I cried in private and said a public F U to this behavior. Tonight will be a night of mourning and the time when I do what I do with emotions of this magnitude, I wrote. Tomorrow will be where we do what we do best ..rebuild and respond with kindness to those affected. Tomorrow the city that defied an empire so many years ago with a tea party will defy the order to cower. Tomorrow the bad people will not win.. they have never won tomorrow even when they destroyed something today.