Tuesday, May 2, 2017

It ain't me babe ..

Image result for it ain't me babeI know you are supposed to, because i get told from every angle, love going to every kids sports activity that they participate in.  You are there for them, for EVERY game, supposed to be paying attention, cheering them on and on and on.

I frankly do not like it - there I said it - let the wrath of the perfect things you have to do these days as a mom come down on me.  I like attending some, none of the baseball ones (seriously just writing that made me cringe a little), sports but man what is it with the expectation that you have to be there for every one when this has no interest for you.  It is not a good example for your kids - no really it is not.  You are teaching them to go with the herd mentality.  I will buy the equipment, pay for the lessons and yes even attend at least half if not more, but if one parent is already there and enjoys this why do we need both of them there when one obviously does not enjoy this.

I do not like bleachers, the bugs, the nasty grass touching my feet (urban girl - ok with it).  I do not have a clue what is actually going on for the most part because my brain is in daydream mode during baseball, all I know is that when my kid is up, I mimic the lingo and give a big shout out.

Since I already failed uber mother of the year chances already while I am on the topic when did it become the expectation that we as mothers, regardless of whether we work in the home or outside of it, have to basically be personal assistants to our kids?

I am having my Norma Rae moment, writing this on May 1st International Workers day, and saying no more.  I will be there when I need to be, will be there for the big things, and teach my kids that validation comes from their own sense of accomplishment not from constant reinforcement from mom.  That does not mean I have to cater to their every need, plan their social lives after the age of 9 and make sure they are constantly entertained.  These are all life skills they need to develop.

I will continue to partake in the military precision planning of pick ups and drop offs but I need some me time, that comes without laundry and chores or constant feeling that someone is about to burst in and need something.  They are all capable of not starving at this point in their life and I swear I do not move the commonly eaten foods just to mess with them and dominate with my knowledge of where the (insert item here) that is in their face is.

We have set the bar so high that I cannot imagine what the next set of parents will have to do to match it and beat it (quit all jobs, get hired by mini army we created to cater to them?).  They need to learn to be independent, set goals and deliver on them with asking for help not helped just because we are there.

I love my kids, and I like a lot of other kids that they are friends with.  I actually had a great experience this past Saturday driving my oldest son and some of his friends, who I have known since they were months old, to and from a party.  Their slightly wobbly voices dipping lower, their conversation pretty diverse about lands traveled to and lands to be seen, their ease of talking to adults about a range of subjects.  I volunteered for that, I will do it again.

Is it not enough to do the things they need, the things you enjoy with them and only some of the things they need support on (splitting the difference when possible with the other parent?) anymore?

So to all of you who love being on the sideline at every game THANK YOU - please wink at my kid too - I will be there for some, I will be there in the way my kids are raised and I will be doing my thing without remorse for many of these missedgames - their father will appreciate your being there too with him.  He loves this stuff.  I on the other hand am all about the other things my kids are into and let's not kid ourselves our children will all have plenty to talk about at therapy no matter what we think we are doing amazingly well.

I am woman, I am strong, I am ok with making myself a priority too. Like Bob Dylan sings "it ain't me you're looking for ...babe".

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