Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Wanderlust

 I am a woman who embraces her wanderlust and it conflicts with my love of being a mom and providing consistency for my sons which then is topped by a whopping dose of guilt about this. 

I have never lived any in one place for as long as I have lived in my current home, 12 years to be exact.   My sons on the other hand think of the idea of moving as totally unappealing.  For me being in one place really clashes with my sense of enjoying change, moving to a new place, starting fresh in a new location and no I do not like packing and unpacking, that would just be odd.  

It goes in line with my enjoyment in new things, new theories, different cultures and traveling.  It helps me cleanse things when I have moved and though I have done a great job decluttering (and am ready for round two of it soon) new spaces, new places jazz me.  
I miss spontaneity too - something you give up, willingly in my case, when you have kids. There are schedules to make, follow, implement.   Kids depend on us to get them from baby music together classes to drop offs at friends houses,  especially so in areas like mine where they cannot easily get to a friend's house without parental chauffeuring.   I like it but it is consuming, juggling with my career, with my taking care of most things that the family needs or does, squeezing in some personal things like tennis or writing/painting.  It is the focus of my days and when I do get some down time I am often found multi-tasking.  

It is maybe because I am only child, or because I did not marry young so was used to the independence of relying on myself and being to just go to a concert or a trip on the spur of the moment.  It is maybe because while I am good at scheduling and organizing I am also a person who likes to just go with the flow and try something because it suddenly became available.  I love to travel and one of my favorite things to do when traveling is have nothing scheduled - just walk around a place, take in a sight or not, sit and watch the people.  Probably why I love visiting cities so much - I do not consider hiking or trekking through a forest on the list. 

It is hard for those of us who are moms to reconcile this easily with the need and want we have to be with our kids, we know the time with them is fleeting before their own wanderlust kicks in.  We do not have to do anything except be the best moms we can be for them but we also should remember that we are in need of being the best person we can be for ourselves.  

They are not mutually exclusive, though the whole I decided to take off for a day thing probably will not work for most of us with our families - but the whole I decided to take some time for myself with advance notice should.  Prepare schedule though for the person left behind - trust me it will be to your advantage. 

I find it amazing as women how much we are expected to give and while men have different pressures I do not live them so I look at this from my perspective and that of the other women I talk to.  I miss spontinaiety and yet I do not resent not having it, it is there on the cusp and waiting for me along with all else that as I approach 50 am putting forth as aspirations for my life.  

Until then I will look and appreciate the pictures that my friends who are travelling post, take scheduled vacations and make sure the schedule I manage includes time for down time for the boys and I to just enjoy each others company.    Wanderlust not diminished just on hold. 

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