Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Bad Moms - bring it
In the midst of all of this one or more media outlets always does a poll .. what does mom really want for Mother's Day? In the past few years the number one answer is - wait for it - a day or weekend alone and not reachable. No it is not sponsored by travel or hotel companies.
I get it - this year in my town, a place where moms are super involved and we are all front and center for everything we are planning a movie outing to see "Bad Moms". I have to digress while it is good that we support our children there is a part of me that thinks that we have gone completely nuts about this. I mean they will be ok if you do not go to every game, especially at 11 and 9 - baseball is purgatory for this mom. I have to smile, cheer and this all from a person who faked asthma for a few moths in high school so as not to have to even watch a game or participate then. In my defense changing from prep school dress code and stockings to get sweaty was not exactly a draw. I do not want to do this every weekend, and some week nights, but I do because somehow this is the new norm.
We have to be at everything - there is the expectation to be some uber mom too. In my town I have to say there is very little of the work outside the home vs the stay at home battle but I see it in other places and I have had it aimed at me. I work because I like the work I do, I like the paycheck and my independence with it, the fact that I pursued an education and a career is not a fail in my mothering ability it is actually part of the reason I am a better mother. I focus better when I am with them because I am not with them all the time. I support any mom who chooses to stay home but it is not for me. No guilt at all... well ok there is guilt but it is self imposed.... and sustained by the media.
Along comes a movie called "Bad Moms" and we find our local town Mom FB page abuzz with how do we rent a theater and go as a group .. a big group. It was bound to happen we are seeing a bit of mom rebellion. The movie trailer unleashed something we may share with a select few but find that we try not say too much out loud. We are tired of the overly high expectations set by a few. Of baking not buying the cupcakes. Of breastfeeding until they go to middle school as if formula is crack not just the 2nd choice for feeding a child. The my child is special and the "parent" diagnosed allergies to things like food color #10 (no this is not aimed at the kids that really have an allergy but you parents of these kids should be even more pissed because these attention allergy seekers are not your friends). We are moms who do our best but sometimes the mac and cheese is not made from wheat grown in our sustainable backyard compost garden but from a box, not even a recycled box. We are moms who buy organic and it sits along with the Doritos. We are moms who make inappropriate jokes at those baseball games rather than sitting rapt at attention. We are moms who know our wee geniuses do the stupidest things and need some serious talking to and no the school is not always wrong. We are moms who worry about bullies including some of those in the shape of other moms.
We like the idea of this movie that says no my coffee mug is not BPH free and I do my best for the environment but sorry I cannot afford the Tesla you have. We want to still get crazy, have shots and once in a while just be the crazy girls we were not the perfect moms - the ones that say "oh for fuck's sake" after a child just dropped the juice when you told him at least 3 times that he was going to if he didn't pay attention.
It was Mother's Day and we are tired - and we love our children and want to be the best for them but I do not want my children to be perfect, I want them to be messy, make mistakes and love life in all it's imperfection. I want them to learn to be good people without judgement and that extends to me for the day that I read the stupid lunch menu wrong and they had to eat a bagel because the choice for the day was not something they liked.
I cannot wait to see "Bad Moms" with a bunch of awesome, funny, sexy ladies who will appreciate the effort we all put in and raise a nice big middle finger to anyone who feels they can judge us for not always shopping at Whole Foods. I want to celebrate women who choose not to have children because there is nothing wrong with them they just made a different choice, Jennifer Aniston you have my sympathy your not having a child has had you pregnant for at least 6 years and countless crap stories, you owe no one an explanation ladies if you chose to not have one, cannot have one, adopted one or are raising one alone. We are all bad moms at times and we are absolutely rock stars at others - I enjoy the time with my kids, the time away from my kids and being a mother is a big part of who I am but I am also so many other parts you just have to be lucky enough if you get to see them!