I was watching Scandal the other day - hint number one that I am getting older I fall asleep earlier and get up earlier. Therefore, watching one of my shows usually means On Demand, DVR or Netflix/Amazon Prime because I also now like to watch on my own time. It rarely means actually seeing it on the day it airs even if I am up say past 10 pm. So as I am folding laundry, sign 2 that I am getting older I tend to multitask those things that I used to rush through so now folding laundry is done while catching up on said shows, watching the last episode I had missed and they reference a teenager making a consensual sex tape with boys (yes plural) her own age. Here is how the "you are no longer twenty" hammer came down in my head 1) oh that is someone's child 2) kids today - they make a bad choice and zoom through the ether forever haunting them - not like getting your number written on a bathroom wall somewhere with a crap rhyme about something that rhymes mouth 3) what does Eiffel Tower mean? The last one was the act that she was filmed doing.
Now a younger me would probably have heard the term, a teenage me would have wanted to see the tape just so I could talk with my friends and say how we would not do that or stuck up for the girl just to piss off the adult that would be telling me the tale of caution. Me at this age was just bit confused about what it meant along with the other 2 things I mentioned. Any age me did what I did - I looked it up. Kind of what I thought, go ahead blog will be here you know you want to Urban Dictionary it if you do not know it. Ahh you are back .. I know right?? By the way one of the cast members, a man closer to my age and super cute Jake on the show, also had to Google the term -- man what a rocking assisted living facility that would be if he and I wound up there together.
I am so much more liberal at this age than I was in my 20s about certain things. I am less afraid of judgement and therefore, after looking it up the first thought was that I was so past the age of doing anything like that. I also think there should be no amateur videos, no one wants to see that people not even you after. The reason is because the world will judge and especially a woman for doing things that a man does still. It shouldn't, after all in said video there were boys and a girl, but it does. One of my favorite parts of that episode was when the mother character says just that - they get high fives we get beat down for the same act. I know I was getting older when the feminist in me got really pissed off that it was still like that for women.
I know I am getting older when I was not worried about what anyone would think cause I asked what the act was. I am older and there are things that scare me about that - I cannot remember a song sometimes like an hour after I heard it and my greatest irrational fear takes over that I will get dementia/Alzheimer's. I worry that the time bandit is just getting better at stealing the time I need to see places that I love or want to see, to be spent with my amazing sons, to write the book that keeps swirling in my head (ok may be books not book), to be with my friends, to tell someone who I just care so deeply about that they are that person. I worry about getting older for all of those things but not because I laugh with lines, they are my treasures of memories that made me laugh and my time with my face to the sun and feet to the waves. I embrace the knowledge that I have gotten through the years through good times and bad. I know I am getting older in my need to have more comfort (ok camping was not in my young self's good zone either) where I go, where I eat because I have earned it. I learned to be ok with being 10% athletic but loving 100% of the tennis and time I spend doing athletic things.
Yep am getting older -- I may have looked up what the Eiffel Tower was but I did not blush or pass judgement when I found out -- c'est la vie.