But they just won't listen

    If you are a parent you have uttered "but they don't listen" in some form more times than you  can probably count.  Your own parents, and theirs before them am sure uttered it too.  Yes, yes I am aware we were perfection as kids, or scared to not be, and did everything our parents said .. except reality is that we didn't.  

We tell the kids what to do because we want them to not make bad choices, to listen and hear us, to know we "know" what we are doing.  We tell the kids to live in the ways we think are best.  Unless you are an abusive sort you have good intent. 

Yet did we not all learn just as much from the times we did not listen as we did from the times we did?  Maybe we learned our parents were smarter than we thought, maybe we learned that we were right and yes we made bad decisions as much as good ones.  It taught us to think, to accept responsibility and most of all to become independent. 

As a mom I want to protect my kids from everything.  Since they first were in my belly to the moment I leave the house every day.  I want the world to be kind to them.  To make sure they are not hurt, physically and emotionally.   

My sons and I talk a lot.  We talk about their experiences, they think I am all knowing and have not figured out how I "find" stuff out so often and boy I am riding that as far as I can.   We talk about the tough things, bullying, kindness to others, when they could be better people, when they have been the brunt of a nasty moment.  We talk about drugs, smoking, vaping, sex and world events.  

It is not because we are exceptional as a family but because I choose to get over myself and talk to them about the topics that may even make me uncomfortable.  This is hard, I do not always succeed, I sometimes need a moment.  That too is a good thing to show them. 

The other hard part is that parenting means you have to parent for the generation they are. When I was a kid the worst, and I mean WORST, punishment for me was being kept inside the house or not being allowed to go to an event.  It was worse than the no tv punishment.  I itched to go out, to be with friends, to roam, to be annoyed with my curfew and thinking of ways to get it extended.   I wanted to be outside with my friends, until that very last nanosecond.  I never wanted to be the first to go in .. gasp.. hated it.  It was awful.  

My friends were the same way.  My kids, our kids, are not like that.  They are content to connect on line with their friends, to socialize virtually, to be one of many whose social activities are planned by parents.  It isn't only because we live in the suburbs, though that does add to it, it is because that is their generation.  It frustrates us - we were not like that - what is wrong with them?  Nothing, they are different, we were different from our parents.  We had t.v. and we were exposed to things our parents may have not even thought of.  We also have to listen to them and I try to remember that whatever it is - well at that moment it is important to them and I must treat it as such.  I try and I don't always do these things but I do want to be all the things I think parenting is about.  Most of us do. 

But they just won't listen!! - that is ok - as long as they know when they should.  When they know how far they can push and when to pull back.  My role is to keep telling them because it trickles in even when I know they are rolling their eyes and cursing me out in their heads.  Oh stop looking shocked we all did it. 

They may not seem to hear us but I find our kids are always "listening" so if we want them to be whatever we define as successful we need to make sure we practice what we say as if we were on a microphone all the time. 

Now if they would only listen about being neater in their rooms....