Yes everyone does get a trophy

I keep hearing from people how annoyed they are that sometimes all the kids on a team, school event get a trophy.   This apparently is the reason for the coming decline of civilization I am told. 

I just do not see that way.  This is not rewarding bad behavior, though we all could agree for adults we need to some movement on stopping this and especially for the powerful.  

In kids the all get a trophy doesn’t happen when they are old enough to understand the difference between an accomplishment and finishing.  The trophy for all happen mostly when kids are so young that the kid next to you holding something shiny just makes you feel like how come you are not holding something shiny.  

Kids at these ages cannot differentiate or appreciate effort, skills, abilities - at those ages a lollipop is still a treat, a sticker at the doctor’s office makes the experience much better and yes getting a trophy at the end of a tball season makes them feel like they accomplished something.  They did, the coaches should get one too, because they finished a season where a kid might have swung 10 or more times to get to a hit that resulted in the ball falling right in front of the hitter off the T.  Or maybe the team chased butterflies, sat down in the middle of the field or many other things that are not part of the game.   Let the kids get their trophies - they put on uniforms, they tried.  

Recently there was a big discussion among parents in my town on how our middle school gave everyone a medal for just finishing school.  If your child got more, congrats, well done and kudos to you and them.  However, there are a lot of kids for who finishing is the achievement.  The kids who might have learning issues, who might have home issues, who might have no issues except they are not seeing education as a means to an opportunity.  We can keep encouraging them all to finish school milestones.

There appears to be this fear that it diminishes those who get trophies for hard work.  It doesn’t.  The kid who will make it to professional sports, the tiny/minuscule percentage, will get bigger and bigger trophies and rewards for their work on their skills.  The participation trophy winners will be in the stands cheering them on.  The kids who got a medal for finishing middle school will hopefully move to jobs that sustain a decent life, the ones who got the 17 medals will gain their successes in other ways.  I encourage my kids to be happy for other's achievements, to be kind and most of all to understand that for most kids who need to get every medal it is a whole different battle they need to deal with all the time, may they too find happiness in their achievements.  

I think of these things often because I have kids.  I am personally more offended by bonuses paid in the millions to CEOs as they get fired for not doing their jobs, those aren't participation trophies but instead rewards for destroying the livelihoods of others.   There is a difference between rewarding bad behavior and helping young kids use the reward to jump to the next level.  

I know many will disagree with this - that is great because life is not about an echo chamber.  I do not compete with others, I compete with me to be my best self.  That is what I reward my kids for.  Being their best version of themselves.   There is a place for 1st, 2nd, 3rd and there is a place for just trying to do your best or completing something you committed to.  

SO yeah - let’s give kids rewards, whether in words or with a small award, for being the best they can be even when that is not the best in the activities they are getting it for.  If history serves us right it's those who were neglected, who weren't praised that most often are the ones who did the worst to others.