If I had a dollar for every time ....
I tell my kids "please stop it"...which after about the 5th time becomes more of a growl of "stop it I said"...well I would be rich. You know before I had children I was quite the opinionated gal on what type of parent I would be...HA!!! along came 2 amazing boys and with each one my ability to constantly re-evaluate and evolve my parenting style.
I have become that mother that has yelled in public, I have given my kids donuts pretty much every Sunday when we go to the supermarket so that they make the trip as enjoyable and fast as possible, they have asked for and had breakfast for dinner, slept in their clothes and I have even, head hung in shame, added sprinkles to veggies to get them to eat it. I love my boys but find myself wishing they were not so loud on many a weekend day when my thoughts drift not to the Mt Everest pile of laundry that I am doing, which I believe is doubling as I walk away since it never seems to end, but to spending some time reading, without interruption or need to play peace keeper, or painting. The reading I sometimes can get in....the painting well I have the easel up and my intentions are there...but the time, the quiet ...well the laundry she's a calling.
I never thought I would be the mother who plays Angry Birds or Plants Vs Zombies with the boys...and smiled at their awe that I can beat levels they cannot...who the hell is this woman? Me, who has always been pretty content with being an only child, me ...who is ok doing things without company, me....whose single days consisted of cereal dinners....I have become this woman who cooks multiple dinners, cuts sandwiches into shapes, who follows 2 small children around a park saying "tag you're it". I am not sure that I would have believed it if you had told me.
Recently there was another motherhood article, this time not a Dragon Mother, but an American one who was living in France. She wrote a book about how French mothers all seem to have time for chic dinner parties, as opposed to drinking fine wine on the kitchen floor with my good friend while kids hijack the tv, and that they push their kids to independent play, not smile with relief as we drink more fine wine with same friends when our kids go to the basement. There were some merits to what she said but mostly after thinking about it I just wanted to give this woman the finger. I have been to France and much like anywhere else there are wonderful children and there are annoying, spoiled children who make me remember that I do not really relish the company of children who are misbehaved. I do not have that "love all kiddies" gene and at a recent party I realized that I chose the kids my kids play with for them, while I still can, based on how much I like the parents (insert wine and food memory here) and how much I like the kids. So far my boys seem to like the choices as much if not more than me.
So as I type this, and hear the dryer buzzing, because of course it never stops, and wonder what to give them for lunch tomorrow I realize that I do not want a dollar...I want my life exactly as it is. I make time for myself, my friends, my interests as I can...but while my boys are little I do not need to shuffle them away at every chance to discuss the idiotic candidates from the far right, the silent annoying ones from the left or whatever Nietzsche thought about the meaning of life....I just have to take a deep breath, so I can be ready to say "stop it", and let it out with a smile for having 2 terrific boys.
“Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?" Wasn't there any change?”
― Erma Bombeck
“Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.”
― Erma Bombeck
I have become that mother that has yelled in public, I have given my kids donuts pretty much every Sunday when we go to the supermarket so that they make the trip as enjoyable and fast as possible, they have asked for and had breakfast for dinner, slept in their clothes and I have even, head hung in shame, added sprinkles to veggies to get them to eat it. I love my boys but find myself wishing they were not so loud on many a weekend day when my thoughts drift not to the Mt Everest pile of laundry that I am doing, which I believe is doubling as I walk away since it never seems to end, but to spending some time reading, without interruption or need to play peace keeper, or painting. The reading I sometimes can get in....the painting well I have the easel up and my intentions are there...but the time, the quiet ...well the laundry she's a calling.
I never thought I would be the mother who plays Angry Birds or Plants Vs Zombies with the boys...and smiled at their awe that I can beat levels they cannot...who the hell is this woman? Me, who has always been pretty content with being an only child, me ...who is ok doing things without company, me....whose single days consisted of cereal dinners....I have become this woman who cooks multiple dinners, cuts sandwiches into shapes, who follows 2 small children around a park saying "tag you're it". I am not sure that I would have believed it if you had told me.
Recently there was another motherhood article, this time not a Dragon Mother, but an American one who was living in France. She wrote a book about how French mothers all seem to have time for chic dinner parties, as opposed to drinking fine wine on the kitchen floor with my good friend while kids hijack the tv, and that they push their kids to independent play, not smile with relief as we drink more fine wine with same friends when our kids go to the basement. There were some merits to what she said but mostly after thinking about it I just wanted to give this woman the finger. I have been to France and much like anywhere else there are wonderful children and there are annoying, spoiled children who make me remember that I do not really relish the company of children who are misbehaved. I do not have that "love all kiddies" gene and at a recent party I realized that I chose the kids my kids play with for them, while I still can, based on how much I like the parents (insert wine and food memory here) and how much I like the kids. So far my boys seem to like the choices as much if not more than me.
So as I type this, and hear the dryer buzzing, because of course it never stops, and wonder what to give them for lunch tomorrow I realize that I do not want a dollar...I want my life exactly as it is. I make time for myself, my friends, my interests as I can...but while my boys are little I do not need to shuffle them away at every chance to discuss the idiotic candidates from the far right, the silent annoying ones from the left or whatever Nietzsche thought about the meaning of life....I just have to take a deep breath, so I can be ready to say "stop it", and let it out with a smile for having 2 terrific boys.
“Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?" Wasn't there any change?”
― Erma Bombeck
“Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.”
― Erma Bombeck
Ah yes, our lives are a constant parade of dirty laundry (and dishes) which is far overshadowed by the uninhibited and mutual love and adoration we share with our children. I too "cherry pick" my children's playmates based on my relationships with the parents. :-)
ReplyDeletePerfectly said - as usual! Thanks Juliana.
ReplyDeleteHow true! Women take on so many roles in life and at every stage you realize how you have changed and no matter what we say or think, the honest fact is that we love the roles we take on.
ReplyDeleteI love this one Juliana!! I think by far my favorite of yours! And yes, I too tend to also pick and encourage playmates of my kids whose parents I also have a good relationship with....aah I hear my washer and dishes calling me as they do never end. It goes to say, I love taking care of my family, but it is also great to have time for myself!
ReplyDelete